Rollercoaster

I'm up.
I'm down.
Hell, sometimes I think I'm even sideways.

Completely changing your eating habits is not an easy feat. I'm encouraged, cajoled, and driven by the few days when I feel really. damn. good.

So, yes, Gluten Free has been a pseudo-success. I say "pseudo" because I'm definitely struggling still...which is not really a surprise. I have accidently glutened myself. I've ordered off the gluten free menu at a restaurant, and still felt sick later. The possibility that my meal was gluten free, but the chefs didn't follow good practices and I was subject to cross-contamination glutening is very high. I have suffered headaches, nearing migraine status (luckily, no full-blown migraines recently). The other day, I had a searing, stabbing pain in my left shoulder blade. I could not position myself in a comfortable way. My legs are bruised up-and-down, including a hockey-puck sized deep purple bruise on my thigh. No idea how I got any of the bruises, and I'm not one to bruise easily. Tired. OhMyGosh. am I tired. Like zoned-out, ready to fall asleep driving to/from work. Tired.

As it turns out, there is a drug-withdrawl-like reaction that many people suffer through after cutting gluten from their diets. People suffer anything from headaches, tiredness, irritability, and so-on. I feel like I'm in that phase right now. However, I'm flying pretty much off of internet research, so I can't be sure. Luckily, I have a dr. apt...in a month. I hope to learn more then.

I miss certain things from my past eating life. I want pizza, mostly. I don't miss eating most things when I'm with other people, I guess my feeling good is out-weighing my desire to eat most things. However, I am mourning the loss of ever eating certain things again.  I wont be able to participate in eating the wonderful homemade cakes my sister makes for my nephew and nieces birthdays. I wont be able to eat a wedding cupcake on our one-year anniversary. I'm worried about parties, events, eating out. Mostly, I fret over being an inconvenience. Not just to my family and friends, but even to myself. I walk into the kitchen, hungry, indecissiveness sets in. I can't have a sandwich, crackers, toast. Ugh. I leave, defeated. I am not very creative yet in my snacking, and light meals options. I have, however, thrown caution to the wind on limiting my calorie intake. Bad? Perhaps. But, when potato chips are one of the few convenient foods that I have on-hand, and can eat... then, that's what I'm eating. done. (I'm sure I'll regret that later.)

A few positives... overall, I am physically feeling better.  My bloated stomach seems to have deflated, which makes me feel skinnier, and more attractive, active, energetic. I feel like I'm still climbing an up-hill battle (still not 100% sure if gluten is really, truely my problem), but, I feel like the hill isn't nearly as steep now. Hopefully my down and sideways feelings become less and less...