it's funny how we may not realize just how unhappy we are in a situation until we are distanced from the situation enough to gain some perspective. i thought I was happy, I thought I knew what I wanted, I thought I had everything figured out. Turns out I was wrong. I was soooo wrong. But now that I am distanced greatly from that situation which was holding me hostage, I have learned that I don't have all the answers. In fact, I have more questions than I know what to do with. But I'm happier. I'm much, much happier. The people around me have noticed it too. It's not really something that I can hide, even if I wanted to (and I don't).
This new happiness has re-released the creative energies that flow through me. I've begun writing again. I've begun playing in art again...painting, cooking, drawing, sewing...doing the things I love to do and that make me happy. Happiness seems to breed more happiness. In order for me to reach this new level of happiness, I had to take a really major chance on myself. Sometimes the rewards of taking a chance are so staggering you need to pinch yourself once in a while to make sure you aren't dreaming. Life doesn't come with instructions and it's often difficult and complicated, but it's all worth it.