and if you try sometimes you find...you get what you need. The Rolling Stones were on to something. So was Garth Brooks - sometimes I thank God for unanswered prayers.
I had a recent conversation with my mom about how 3 years ago I had a completely different life all mapped out for myself. In my head I could see the white picket fence, the 2.5 kids running in the yard, and me making dinner for my loving husband. It was the perfect fairy tale, but in reality it was just that: a fairy tale. Slowly I began to see things for what they were. I began to realize that I was not getting everything that I wanted, or even what I needed. Albeit difficult, I decided to end a 5.5 year relationship and go my own way, one that suited me better. Believe me, being single has plenty of ups-and-downs. But in the past 2.5 years I have survived dating, blind dates, strange men, and most importantly my independence. I feel that I have achieved great personal growth over these past couple of years. I have also managed to accomplish great things, that I otherwise would not have done. Number one accomplishment being owning my own house. I've also established some amazing friendships during this time. I have new people in my life who are intelligent, fun, caring, and genuinely good folks. It's amazing to me. I feel a part of something really great. Throughout all of this, I have learned so many things about myself. I've tested my own abilities and strengths and surprised myself with what I'm really capable of. I feel emotionally and spiritually so much stronger. And I've learned that life continues to change, no matter how figured out you think you have it. Life will always, always throw you a curve ball. I am greatful I didn't get my wish, at least not yet. I had some business to take care of first. A year ago, one of my best friends (a pillar in my life) went into the peace corps. She moved thousands of miles away to a 3rd world country. I didn't know how I was going to survive without her. In her absence, I have found other, different support systems and adventure-seekers. Although no one could ever take her place, I have developed closer and new friendships that serve their own purpose. In about a month, another dear friend will be moving out of the country as well. I know I will miss her, and her boyfriend, greatly. But just like when J left for the peace corps, I'm excited for the new adventure M & S are going on. I know if will be a life-altering experience that shapes their beings. Like all of life's adventures that become a part of us. Life doesn't always turn out how we expect, it often hits bumps and detours. But, I still thank God for unanswered prayers, because that's how I got here. Happy and living the life I choose. I may not always know where my path is headed and life may not always be beautiful, but it's a beautiful ride.