wardrobe malfunction

a few years ago, my family had to reschedule dad's side's christmas gathering. grandma wasn't feeling well, so we postponed our get-together by a couple of weeks and did a duo christmas and grandma's birthday celebration. after dinner and presents, we headed to the local bowling alley (on of grandma's favorite pass-times). i was wearing my new corduroy pants from express. as we began to bowl, my mom and i joked about needing to stretch out and warm up. i jokingly squated down, stretching my legs out. i heard a tearing sound and suddenly felt a draft. my face went white. i slowly backed up to the rack of bowling balls. my mom laughed, asking "what's wrong?" (somehow, she already knew.) i started laughing in my mortified state. i told her, the seam of my pants just ripped, right down the butt. "WHAT?" she exclaimed, trying to be a good mom in my state of need, but unable to control her laughter. my sister caught on, rushing over to find out what was so histarically funny and why i was oddly pinned against the ball rack. through our laughter fits we managed to tell her what had happened. in her laughter she coaxed me "let's see!" she wanted to judge for herself how bad it was, if you could see anything. sure enough, they were torn from the waistband all the way to the middle of the crotch. there was no chance of disguising this major wardrobe malfunction (yes, this was pre Janet Jackson's superbowl show). luckily my sister was wearing a cardigan sweater that i could tie around my waist. even luckier yet was the fact that i got new pants (which even matched my sweater) for christmas. i sent someone to the car to fetch my new pants and hurried to the bathroom to put on something a little less revealing. we had great laughs over my traumatic pants-splitting.
(this was the first of 3 pants-splitting events in my life. i swear, for those who don't know me in person, the pants were not too tight.)
a few days later, i recruited my dad to return the faulty express corduroys. he pointedly asked the sales girl how embarassed she'd be if her pants ripped down the middle, out in public. i was given a full refund.
sometimes it pays to have extra clothes in your car...and sometimes, all you can do is just laugh.