November 14, 2008

while i sleep

I usually have a dreamless sleep, or I don't remember my dreams (either way, I guess it's dreamless). Many people talk about anxiety dreams, surrounding tests or the first day of school or a new job. I've never had a dream like that. Never dreamt I've been somewhere naked or over slept, nothing like that. When I do remember my dreams, they are usually chaotic, with chasing or crazy driving or some other type of intense action. I don't recall ever having a calm or serene dream.

I remember a few of my childhood dreams. I had the usual dreams about monsters or creepy-crawly things in my room. I also had a dream that Big Bird was trying to kill me. I'd lay in my bed, perfectly still, barely even moving my lips as I quietly whispered "Dad." I had this fear that moving or making much noise would alert whatever monster (or Big Bird) that I was there. Lucky for me, my dad was a very light sleeper. He would be at my door before my voice-level even reached a normal decible. He'd reassure me that nothing was there and I'd drift back to sleep.

This morning I woke up remembering last night's dream. It's the only recurring themed dream I can recall. The dream is always of me driving, from either the passenger side or the backseat. I'm trying to gain control of the car. Usually I'm alone in the car, but last night I was with other people - one of which was in the driver's seat, but I was still driving. We were speeding and flying over bumps in the road. We'd fly over the bumps, two-wheel around turns. Even with the craziness, I was somehow still in control, and enjoying the ride. Enjoying the ride immensely. It was a weird mix of chaos and contentment. I remember pushing my foot down hard, trying to make us slow down or stop, but at the same time I was laughing and having a good time.

I'm not certain if I believe in dream interpretation. I think there are any number of reasons why we dream of the things we do. Out of curiosity this morning, I looked up what my dream meant. Apparently it has to do with my life's path. Driving from the passenger side means that I'm trying to take control or my life and the path it's on. I've felt pretty in control of my life lately, at least the parts of it that I can control. So, I'm not really sure what my driving dreams means, if anything. I kinda like the idea that I am having so much fun doing my own thing and being in control of my very busy (sometimes chaotic) life. Maybe that's what my dream was telling me. To keep on being me: sometimes chaotic, but in control.

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